Anger, the fire beneath
Recall the last time you were angry, no matter for what reason, how did you feel? Didn’t you feel the stream of something flowing through you? Like you’ve been lit on fire. It’s not a very pleasing experience, hence we all want to get rid of it. It’s like a wound in our soul, I’ll try to tell you that when you forgive you heal.
I’m quite certain that you want to get rid of the unpleasant experience anger has on you. The fire of anger keeps burning beneath even as time passes if not extinguished. You do let the steam out at the moment, good that if it’s enough to extinguish it or else, you need a remedy, I have one for you.
And let me tell you why?
It’s fake or bitter
If you pretend to smile and punish yourself
It’s difficult to live on with fabricated emotions because you can’t.
Fabrication gives rise to stress. Because it’s a pursuit of something unachievable. Your physiology doesn’t support you, it supports your emotion. You trying to reverse it takes forever consuming tremendous energy getting you drained, for nothing.
Suppressed anger results in.
Suppressed anger results in long-term anger which impacts basic health issues like high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems. And this in turn could grow into more complexities and unwanted consequences like crime, abuse, and other violent behavior.
Could even lead to mental health problems and mood disorders.
I know, you must’ve not heard of it, yet. Because you don’t live in Korea if you don’t.
A mental disorder as the Koreans say is due to suppressed emotions like anger caused by any event from the past, but the origin of the emotion is often left unaddressed.
It’s a culture-based disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders which would get some other label if it’s not for South Korea.
Or you create a lasting bitterness.
Analyze the mood every time you encounter it. Bitterness keeps growing.
You become a spectacle for a sneaky audience who really enjoy it, never wanting to end it. These are the snakes in disguise. It might be speculation giving rise to more.
Both sides have their version of the story, but it might be an illusion, I know you don’t want to admit it.
Don’t jump to a conclusion yet, I’m not here to prove you wrong, I’m just trying to show you how to peep through your heart to find the fact. It might be very comfortable, but the truth is worth every hardship, you’ll agree on that.
And once you do, you’ll see how when you forgive you heal.
Someone is on the wrong side, or both perhaps.
If it’s you on the faulty side which your anger and fallacy will keep you from recognizing. Then you don’t want to be the one.
And if you’re not, then it’s worth supporting out the one who is, provided the other one is. Often placing the blame itself is a bias and fallacy we’re unaware of.
Either way who initiates to resolve is on the better side no matter whose fault it was.
What’s the motive?
It often happens to us that we’ll have a very strong reason to forgive, but we overlook it; the intention. Most of the times people in conflict have a common intention at a higher level, it’s what we call chunking up in NLP.
For instance, if it’s a firm and we have two people with diverse opinions on a project then chunking up will get you to a common point where both are doing it for the betterment of the company. We have similar situations in families and relationships.
Is it normal to be angry?
If you’re angry, I understand you must’ve come across something undesirable or distasteful. It’s natural to be angry, everyone gets angry, it would be abnormal if anyone doesn’t. If you get angry, congratulations, you’re normal.
But why are you still angry? Is the sustenance of anger normal?
Come on, give it a second thought, is it even worth it?
Whose fault is it by the way? Think about it, even if you have the most genuine reason to be angry back then, what good is it doing to you right now?
If it is otherwise which I predominantly suppose, it is, doing you harm. Why punish you for an instance which according to you isn’t your fault?
Ask yourself, what’s the motive for your anger?
If you’re thinking of revenge, hold on a moment.
Let me tell you this.
If you’re after making things even then it might give you a sense of pleasure, seeing your subject suffer, but will it appease you?
Here is what,
Your subject might have angered you in a different context, most probably have a reason, his side of the story. It might have been the best he could do at that moment. Maybe he never intended to hurt you. Maybe he thought it was most suitable for you this way, as occurs in the case of parents.
And with the likelihood of more such probabilities, even if it isn’t any of it, are you happy being someone who enjoys catching a glimpse of someone in misery?
Even if you consider him your enemy. Exceptional cases apart, we’re not speaking of criminals and war situations, it’s a different psychological situation altogether.
Don’t you want to be better than that?
We all make mistakes, you too must’ve angered someone knowingly or unknowingly at times. What if that person offers you unconditional forgiveness? How will that make you feel about that person?
Will something like this not dilute your negative sentiments? Will, it does not cause you happiness? Why not you be the reason for someone’s happiness then?
Anger is a burden on your shoulders, that keeps pressing you, pressurizing you. You can feel it if you’re angry still, can’t you?
Anger is worth getting rid of.
Don’t you want to relieve yourself?
Alright, you’re convinced it’s not benefiting you and you’re being affected, you had enough of negative impact on your mental well-being. So what now?
I have a reason to say that when you forgive you heal.
How do overcome it?
Getting the person to confess the mistake and repent is an unrealistic wish. You’ll have to live with the growing sense of anger seeing your desire going unfulfilled. Pity yourself now.
For the simple reason that you can’t control anyone else. The thought, belief, and prescription are purely subjective.
Here’s how to deal with someone who constantly criticizes you.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.Paul Boose
How does forgiveness heal?
Forgiving is the easiest thing to do unless you don’t understand why and what it gives of course.
But, Just to make things clear, it certainly isn’t the weakest option.
I’m not talking about the self-illusion that ” I’ve forgiven him or her ” and deep inside it’s like you can’t do anything about it so let’s portray mercy. The grudge subsides.
I am talking about forgiveness, a genuine one. Forgiveness, while you can still do harm, is very valuable and respectable, but it still is precious otherwise, no matter what.
It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive.
You might think that forgiving someone would heal you, but in fact, the opposite is true. If you don’t forgive someone, it can lead to you being stuck in that hurt forever, unable to move on from what happened and constantly reliving the pain over and over again. Forgiveness heals both yourself and the other person. It frees you from your pain, allows you to let go of your grudges and gives you permission to put all of that negative energy behind you and start fresh.
When you let go of your anger and resentment, when you forgive the one who hurt you, when you stop blaming yourself for what happened to you-then and only then can you grow. When we hold on to anger and resentment, it becomes part of our story. It becomes a part of us. We become enslaved by it. We become consumed by it. And in some cases we become defined by it.
7 Ways how Forgiveness helps us
Forgiving someone can be difficult but it is a necessary step when you want to move on with your life. When you forgive others for what they have done to you, you are letting go of the pain and allowing yourself to heal. The next time you find yourself dwelling on the past remember that when you let go of the pain in your heart, it is then that you will grow as a person.
1) When we forgive someone else we are forgiving ourselves. When you hold onto anger and resentment towards another person, not only are you hurting them but also yourself. When you let go of the anger within your heart and forgive the other person, not only do they benefit from your forgiveness but so do you.
2) Your self-esteem gets boosted when you stop caring about what other people say or do to you. When you stop worrying about how much someone might hate you, the more confident and carefree you become.
3) When you make up your mind to forgive somebody who hurt you, it takes away all the power they had over you because now they don’t have any control over how angry or upset with them that you get.
4) When we take responsibility for our own feelings instead of blaming others when something bad happens, we actually feel less stressed out because now everything is under our control again.
5) When you learn to forgive those who have wronged you, you create new opportunities in your life. Once the pain has subsided, an exciting future awaits!
6) When we stop being so hard on ourselves when things don’t turn out the way we hoped or expected, we become more aware of how beautiful and incredible this world really is.
7) When we learn how to forgive others, this skill allows us to learn other skills like patience which teaches us a whole lot about love too.
I Forgive Myself
When you forgive yourself and forgive others the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulders. When you let go of your anger and resentment towards other people you grow in ways that would never be possible otherwise. When you forget, you heal.
When you forgive yourself and forgive others the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulders. When you let go of your anger and resentment towards other people you grow in ways that would never be possible otherwise. Forgiveness is a gift to give to both yourself as well as those around you because when you do, life becomes lighter for everyone involved.
3 Tips for Writing an Effective Letter of Forgiveness
- Write the letter in your head first. Once you can see the words on the screen, it will be easier to bring them to life.
- Don’t forget to include a date!
- When you let go you grow and by letting go of what you cannot change, you free yourself from its pain. When you forgive yourself for something that has hurt or offended you, then and only then will your past mistakes become part of your lessons learned.
When you write an effective letter of forgiveness to someone who has wronged or hurt us, we are accepting the responsibility for our feelings and emotions rather than blaming someone else. When we take this step, the process of healing is started. When you heal, you can truly live again because when you forget, you heal.
5 Tips for Forming a Stronger Relationship with Self-Forgiveness
- Be aware of your guilt and shame.
- Practice self-compassion when you’re struggling with feeling guilty or ashamed of something you did in the past.
- Remember that everyone is human, and we all make mistakes sometimes – and that’s okay!
- Keep reminding yourself to forgive yourself because forgiving others is a lot easier than forgiving ourselves.
- When you let go you grow!
Peace of mind is priceless
You do everything for happiness and comfort. People take huge risks to achieve what they want.
But what is it that you actually want? Things or happiness? You buy things to feel happy but over time that happiness fades.
Happiness is just a chemical making you feel good, it’s all in your brain. And if you find a way to please your mind then you won’t have to struggle to try to be happy.
Forgiveness elevates you to a nobler you. It just extinguishes the fire instantaneously, no matter how big, how old. That’s how to peek forgiveness is. It’s worth every challenge that’s lingering in your mind right now.
And that’s how when you forgive you heal.
As I said, it isn’t the weakest option, it isn’t for the weak-hearted. It takes courage and a strong spiritual strength to do it.
When you forgive, you heal. When you let go, you grow.
Top 10 Quotes on the power of forgiveness
Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. It’s something we do for ourselves to move on.
Forgiveness is the best revengeAli R.A
One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.Will Smith
Certainly people make mistakes in their life. I’m no different, I’ve made mistakes. When people mess up, forgive them. When I mess up, I ask for forgiveness.– Michele Bachmann
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.Thomas Szasz
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strongMahatma Gandhi
There is no peace without forgiveness.Marianne Williamson
Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free.
The man who forgives is far stronger than the man who fights.Nathan Craoll
How to forgive someone who hurt you?
It does take courage to do so, you’ll get some when you know what you’ll get for it.
How does forgiveness heal?
Forgiveness gets you rid of the negative emotions resulted from suppressed anger.
Can you forgive someone and still be hurt?
In that case, I would recommend you dive deeper within yourself to think about your motive for forgiveness. It has to be unconditional and selfless.